“No” can sometimes be viewed as a bad word. Many times in our lives we feel compelled to always focus on others and provide them with what they need before our own needs. The word “No” provides us the opportunity to respect our priorities and keep our time our own. There are instances where we do not feel comfortable saying no. Whether it be a certain type of person or a certain situation, us humans are trained to make sure we open our lives to always pleasing others and giving of ourselves.
Now don’t get me wrong, we definitely need to ensure we are serving those around us in a healthy capacity. We need to lift each other up, support each other, and create healthy boundaries and relationships that thrive. With this in mind we need to keep said boundaries in place. Boundaries are healthy, keep our mental health in check and allow others around us to know what is needed to keep the relationship alive. The word “No” comes into play here. If you have friends, family, or coworkers that are always crossing your personal/professional boundaries you need to feel empowered to say “No, I am not available to (input some action here).” You are protecting your time, your energy, your capacity to take on what you are capable of taking on to keep your peace. Sacrifice comes around often in our adult lives, but you should not sacrifice your mental, emotional, or physical health for others if you suffer because of it.
Why do I always come back to the “Affix your oxygen mask before assisting others.” saying?? This comes up in so many of my conversations. We need to shift our thinking towards serving our immediate needs first. This will, in turn, allow us to better serve the needs of all the people around us who need our time, energy, and attention.
Please know, some people will take some type of personal offense to you saying “No!”. This might be due to the fact that you always say “Yes!”, or they realize that this will create a situation that they are going to have to pony up to getting some sh** done themselves. So, it might be a learning curve for some of your relationships to accept this new found freedom of yours. Communication is crucial. Have the conversation about how your needs are going to take a front seat, and in turn you can be better for that relationship or situation. This information, if presented in a collaborative approach, should be well received and supported. If not, that relationship may not be a healthy one. Be prepared for what may come. You will see people fall back, see people rise up, see new people emerge in your life. Healthy relationships are ground in mutual respect and a supportive nature. Saying “NO” should not jeopardize a healthy relationship.
Don’t forget to reflect on how you accept the word “No” from others. Remember if you want your “No” to be respected, you must do the same for everyone else. When you hear it, acknowledge that person’s needs, realize they are taking care of themselves, and that needs to be respected. You could even go further, if you are able, and ask them if they need any support or help with their current situation. If you are able to give, give your best to lift those around you and create that collaborative push and pull that serves our mental and emotional health so well.
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