“I do not sugar coat shit, I am not Willy Wonka.” My soul did backflips when I read this quote. Jumping, clapping, screaming...Hercules! Hercules!…(Ok, if you don’t get that Dr. Dolittle reference I just cannot help you there.) I just really simply got it.
Far too often we sugar coat feelings, statements, social posts, and our opinions to make things more palatable for others around us or to avoid conflict. Why do we do this?! Is it because we think we are protecting others from unpleasant feelings? Are we protecting ourselves from some backlash of our real thoughts? Oh no, we don’t want to hear what people really think of something we say or do? Yikes! Run for the hills! Okay, okay, so yeah we need to filter some of the thoughts that come across our minds. But seriously why are we filtering at the high rate we are?
A little example: Once upon a work day, a couple of my colleagues asked me my opinion of something (they briefly forgot that I run a little hot). Well, if you know me, I gave it my all. My full honest opinion shot from my mouth, without much forethought to their reaction. The reaction I got was not surprising or new to me, I do this often. One of my colleagues was somewhat bewildered that I really said what I really thought and proceeded to make a joke of how easily honest I was with them. My reaction to that was “Oh, I’m not sorry, you asked, I gave you my honest answer. It wouldn’t have been worth contributing my opinion if I was filtering it with rainbows and ponies to make it sound more appealing.” I really didn’t feel the need to filter or apologize. I wasn’t rude. I wasn’t careless. I was honest. Maybe they weren’t ready for true unfiltered, “unsandwiched” honesty; but in the end they agreed that honesty was needed to provide a valid answer. In this instance it worked in my favor. The reaction I usually get is positive, thankful, or relieved. I do think that many of us are are afraid of the reactions that could result from honesty, but that is living a life built on fear.
There it is, fear! We are afraid of what other people’s reactions will be, so we candy coat, sugar glaze, and put glitter on everything in hopes that it provokes the desired reaction we want. Well sisters (and brothers) if we stop doing this, be truly honest, and act like kind, civilized humans; we are all fine! We can be kindly honest. In my opinion, far too often people cut corners to avoid something; a conflict, a difference of opinion, change.
Where do you fall in the realm of this topic. Are you a Candy Man? Or are you Honest Harry? Maybe a mix of both based on your surroundings? The real and more difficult question is, why? Why do you fall in that space? Does it serve your purpose? Does it marginalize who you are? Be clear about the reasons behind your behaviors. Honestly ask yourself these questions. Reflect, and if needed, retool and relaunch your approach to serve your true self.
“Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like being sorry for being real.” - Lil Wayne
Be Real,
KK
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